The Curtain - Music

Here is a collection of songs based on those people and places that have shaped my life. While my book describes a series of events, these fifteen songs tell their own unique story. They tell the story of the thoughts, feelings and emotions associated with these events although in a much more vivid and expressive way. Exploring themes such as love, guilt, anger, loss and hope, they reflect the human experience in all its rich complexity. From the seductress to the superstar and from the heartbreaker to the birdman, they’re all here, waiting for you, like you’ve never heard them before.

1: Bottle Blonde Delight

I crafted this song to capture my unexpected journey into a rough, unfamiliar world where a bottle-blonde figure welcomed me with open arms, making me feel at home. Through vivid imagery of booze, cigarettes, and rowdy lads, I convey how this vibrant character and their crew transformed me, pulling me into a warm, chaotic camaraderie that left me forever changed. The song closes with a poignant reflection on their absence, yet the eternal flame of their memory still burns brightly in my heart.

Lyrics:

Never thought I'd end up here
This god forsaken place
Bottle blonde, you took me in
Made me feel at home

Your booze your fags and oh, your lads
Made me one of them,
Took me into somewhere warm
Never the same again

Blinded by my prejudice
Thought your lot were bad
My partner in crime you became
And out we went to play

Your booze your fags and oh, your lads
Made me one of them,
Took me into somewhere warm
Never the same again

Where are you now, wish I knew
My bottle blonde delight
My thoughts of you eternal
A flame that still burns bright

2: The Mirror Man

I wove this song to depict a dreamlike figure who danced into my life, elusive and mythical, yet endlessly captivating to a hopeful kid like me. Through vivid imagery, I portray the struggle to connect with this untouchable icon, whose pain I sensed but could only grasp when a friend, TJ, thrust me into their powerful presence, revealing a vulnerable man behind the myth. The song culminates in a fleeting moment of connection, holding this legend close, only to question if it was all a dream, leaving me longing for their magic once more.

Lyrics:

You danced into my dreams the way you danced around the world
But reaching out you’d vanish from my grasp
Nobody could hold you and you didn’t seem real
Yet a kid like me never stopped believing
That was then, this is now and I still believe in your magic
But you’re even more elusive than before
Feel your pain I’d reach out to you to show you’re not alone
Yet more myth than man you remained untouchable
Close yet still so far away, could feel but couldn’t see you
Sensing the need, my man TJ threw me into your power
Clutching chrome you danced into my life, a mystery man no more
Saluting me as I called your name, saw the real man in the mirror
Neither myth nor man you came to me, helpless as a child
Reaching out to you at last you grasped my hand
Your need and desperation in that moment I held you safe
And told you so that you were not alone
Now you’re gone, a man, a myth, a legend
And I wonder whether it was all just a dream
I want and need and still believe in magic
So close my eyes and find you there once more

3: Love Eviction Nights

I wrote this song to celebrate the vibrant, defiant energy of a subculture that thrives on love eviction nights, where misfits transform from velvet-suited elites to bold boys in fishnets and boots, embracing their unapologetic uniqueness. Through raw, rhythmic verses, I depict a freak show of fearless self-expression, where queerness is shouted proudly, inviting all to join the chaotic, liberating dance floor without judgment. The song pulses with the message to be yourself, capturing a haven where no one is turned away, and the night belongs to those who dare to stand out.

Lyrics:

From velvet chairs and guys in suits (yeah)
To boys in skirts, fish-nets and boots (boots)
A freak (freak) show full of fuckin' fruits (fruits)
Those love eviction nights (nights)

They don't fit in so they stand out (out)
We're here we're queer they scream and shout (shout)
They'll show you what it's all about
Those love eviction nights (nights)

They work the floor like they don't care (they don't)
If anybody else is there
Beat them... join them if you dare (do you dare?)
Those love eviction nights (nights)

Just be yourself, so they say (they do)
No-one gives a shit you're gay (ooooohh)
We'll never turn your ass away (never, never, never)
Those love eviction nights (nights]

4: My Demons Came To Get Me

I poured my heart into this song to capture the fleeting hope of love clouded by doubt, where I mistook a fleeting connection with a mysterious stranger for something deeper, compelling me to bring him home across three thousand miles. The lyrics trace the euphoric highs of wild nights that spiral into a painful crash, haunted by my inner demons urging me to push him away to spare him from my chaos. Through raw repetition and stark imagery, I convey the struggle of wrestling with self-doubt, questioning if it was ever love or just a desperate illusion destined to unravel.

Lyrics:

Swore I'd seen him someplace else
That guy down in the dark
Thought that maybe it was love
So had to bring him home

Took him with, three thousand miles
Thought we'd make it work
Partied hard then came the crash
My demons came to get me

They told me I should bin him off
It wasn't love at all
Push him away to save him
You'll only bring him down

Took him with, three thousand miles
Thought we'd make it work
Partied hard then came the crash
My demons came to get me

In the end he let me go
He knew the time was right
Left me right there in the dark
And ran towards the light

5: Ode to Kyle

I wrote this song to pour out the tender, heart-wrenching memory of a fleeting yet profound connection with a fragile soul, capturing the bittersweet ache of holding them close while they slipped toward the light. Through gentle imagery and raw emotion, I weave a story of love, loss, and lessons learned, where their silent presence stirred the boy in me, teaching me about life, tenderness, and the strength found in giving more than I take. The song culminates in a poignant reflection on their brief time with me, marked by falling leaves and a single red rose, revealing the father within me through the inevitable dance of pleasure and pain.

Lyrics:

Sitting here, thinking of you, as if it were yesterday
Hold you tightly in my arms I gently kiss your face
Could you feel my touch in the darkness as you headed for the light?
Could you hear my gentle whispers of hope and joy and pain?
You never said a word yet I got you just the same
Knew the moment I saw you that the pleasure’d be worth the pain
You stirred the boy inside of me, I knew I couldn’t run
Just wish I had the power to make you well and make you stay
The closer I held you to me, the quicker you slipped away
Yet you had some things to teach me before that final day
‘bout life, love and tenderness, gettin’ back more than you give
And finding strength and love amid the helplessness.
While falling leaves turned burnished shades, so came your time to go,
A feisty little spirit you lit the sky above,
Red rose among a sea of white to show you how I felt,
Can’t have one without the other is the deal, the pleasure and the pain
Time passes by so quickly and none so fast as then,
No sooner did you come than you went away again,
With something more than words you showed me little man,
The path that led to discovering the father within me!

6: The Devil's Rose (I Give To You)

I wrote this song to embody a seductive yet sinister voice, luring the listener with promises of transforming their darkness into fleeting relief, only to reveal a manipulative trap. Through vivid imagery and a rhythmic cadence, I depict a devilish figure offering to erase pain and despair in “four to six,” but at a cost—numbing the soul and ensnaring it with a cursed “devil’s rose.” The song’s haunting twist lies in its reversal, warning that the false salvation turns pink to black, leaving the listener entangled in a psychological web with no escape from the wolves at the door.

Lyrics:

Welcome to your new life, bud
Gonna turn your black to pink
That’s it, go on, take me down (take me down)
...With a little (little) drink

Gonna turn your black to pink
That’s it, go on, take me down (take me down)

In four to six you’ll soon be good
I’ll see you right as rain (right as rain)
I’ll take away your dark despair (despair, despair)
I’ll take away your pain (pain)

But you won’t feel a thing, (you’ll see)
You can’t do that no more
That’s the deal if you wanna keep
Those bad wolves (wolves) from your door (from your door)

It’s all a trick (It’s all a trick)
I’m in your head ‘cause there’s no turning back
This devil’s rose I give to you (give to you)
Gonna turn your pink to black (pink to black)

7: Pivot From The Edge

I crafted this song to capture the desperate tug-of-war between hope and despair, portraying a loved one teetering on the brink of giving up, drawn irresistibly toward the light. Through urgent, conversational lyrics, I voice a fierce determination to pull them back from the edge, insisting it’s not their time and there are battles yet to fight, only to confront the heart-wrenching reality of their fading resolve. The song’s raw emotional arc peaks with a plea to take my hand and a hard-won lesson for the future: to resist the pull, turn around, and pivot from the edge to live another day.

Lyrics:

He’s halfway there already
Heading for the light
Don’t stop him now, he wants to go
Don’t wanna stay an’ fight

Nah, that’s crap, I’ll get him back
There’s much work to be done
It’s not his time, got stuff to do
More battles to be won

Too late for him, he’s letting go
Steppin' on that ledge
Just one leap and then he’s free
No pivot from the edge

Look here kid just take my hand
You’re gonna be okay
I’ll fix you, see you safely home
To live another day

Now you’re back but learn this well (are you listening?)
Next time you’re on that ledge
Resist the pull then turn around
And pivot from the edge

8: All I Wanna Do (The Copper's Lament)

I wrote this song to channel the raw frustration of a police officer yearning to make a difference—pounding the beat, chasing villains, and fighting crime—but trapped in a cycle of bureaucratic monotony, pounding only a keyboard and chasing paperwork. Through repetitive, stark contrasts, I highlight the bitter irony of their desire to protect lives and property, yet being forced to preserve the status quo and serve senior ranks, leaving morale and public trust at an all-time low. The song’s relentless rhythm and escalating grievances underscore the suffocating reality of a job that deters talent and keeps the officer sidelined, unable to do the work they joined for, while criminals roam free.

Lyrics:

All I wanna do is to pound the beat
But the only thing I’m pounding is my keyboard

All I wanna do is chase those villains
But the only thing I’m chasing is my tail

All I wanna do is fight that crime
But the only thing I’m fighting against is paperwork

All I wanna do is keep bad boys off the streets
But the only one kept off the streets is me

All I wanna do is preserve life
But the only thing I’m preserving is the status quo

All I wanna do is protect property
But the only thing I protect is the interests of senior ranks

All I wanna do is get back out after an arrest
But the only place I’ll be for hours is in the office

All I wanna do is to keep people safe
But the only ones safe are the burglars and muggers

All I wanna do is provide a deterrent
But the only thing deterred is talented people from joining

All I wanna do is the job I joined to do
morale among police at an all-time low
trust in police at an all-time low

9: The Stormtroopers Cometh!

I poured raw anger and disillusionment into this song, voicing a police officer’s frustration with a broken system, dismissed by an indifferent public demanding quick fixes and crime prevention spiels while the force crumbles under a “shit-show” of bureaucracy and neglect. Through biting lyrics and a defiant tone, I expose the betrayal of senior ranks and Tory politicians who prioritize power and prestige over efficiency, ignoring the desperate need for change as morale collapses. The song crescendos with a resolute stand against sacrificing integrity, vowing to fight for the “boys ‘n’ girls in blue” to be freed from constraints, even if it means falling on my sword, with a fervent hope it’s not too late to act.

Lyrics:

I wasn’t gonna bother, what you gonna do?
Where are you when we need you anyway?
Reference number, please, and your crime prevention spiel
Then you can get going on your way
Then you can get going on your way

Words that really cut me to the core
Someone ought to tell the public straight (they need to know)
A shit-show we just cannot take no more
Gotta do something just hope it’s not too late

A shit-show we just cannot take no more
Gotta do something just hope it’s not too late

With more for all to gain than I ever had to lose
Sent my story to the Sunday hack
Said the Superintendent and the Chief Inspector too
Put up shut up, or piss off, don’t come back (thanks guys)

Next thing in the office of Tory heavyweights
Sayin’ Tory stormtroopers will surely save the day (stormtroopers... yay!)
But they don’t give a toss ‘bout police efficiency
Just the power and the prestige and the pay

A shit-show we just cannot take no more
Gotta do something just hope it’s not too late

Sacrifice my integrity on the alter of self-interest
The last thing that you’ll ever see me do
I’d fall on my sword a million times
Take the handcuffs off our boys ‘n’ girls in blue

10: The Rules Do Not Apply To Me

I wrote this song to channel the unapologetic, defiant mindset of an inmate thriving in a prison’s underworld, driven by a raw desire to take what they want—dealing drugs for quick cash with little fear of consequences. Through gritty, unfiltered lyrics, I depict their routine of selling gear at Muslim prayers, bulking up in the gym to fend off bullies, and dismissing the system’s rules while blaming it for their choices, all underscored by a haunting fear of losing their son and partner. The song’s stark tone and repetitive structure reveal a hardened criminal playing the game without remorse, yet grappling with fleeting moments of personal loss, refusing to change despite the cost.

Lyrics:

They have it... I don’t... I want it...I take it
Some inmates think in here
Dealing drugs for ten grand a week
Getting caught, what’s there to fear (I get away with it more often than not)

Just carry on as I did before
Sell my gear at Muslim prayers
Been up ten arses along the way
Those smackheads need my wares (smackheads need my wares)

Nothing else to do in here
‘cept deal and then go gym
Bulk up to keep those bullies away
Just be a bad-ass crim

It hurts my son might forget about me
And my baby-mum move on
Want it all want it now, that’s my deal
And some day they’ll be gone

Yet that won’t make me change my ways
It’s the system that’s to blame
The rules do not apply to me
So for now I’ll play the game

11: Really, It’s All About Me

I crafted this song to delve into the manipulative psyche of a self-serving lover seeking solace from their inner turmoil, using charm and cash to seduce and control while masking their true intentions. Through smooth yet sinister verses, I expose the façade of their “Zen-like cool” and calculated kindness, revealing a toxic dynamic where loyalty is bought and betrayal met with psychological games, all to fulfill their own needs. The song’s raw climax unveils the bitter irony of their self-sabotage, as their actions drive away the one they needed, leaving their heart shattered in the wreckage of their own making.

Lyrics:

Seeking shelter from my storm
Someone to make me whole
Soothe my pain, fulfil my needs
Mend my troubled soul

There you were among the crowd
Flashed my winning smile
Charmed you with my Zen-like cool
To flatter and beguile

Splashed the cash to keep you sweet
Buy your love and loyalty
Make it seem like it’s all about you
When really it’s all about me

Long as you're good and meet my needs
I’ll be so sweet and kind
Let me down and I’ll fuck with you
I’ll get into your mind

But now you’re gone I’ve brought about
The thing I’d hoped to avoid
Proof of my self-sabotage
And now my heart’s destroyed

12: No More Ludicrous Logic

As the writer, I poured raw frustration and defiance into this song, channeling the collective anger of NHS workers standing up against a broken system, rejecting top-down mismanagement and vowing to even the score. Through biting lyrics, I expose the chaos of talentless leadership, suffocating bureaucracy, and a “perfect storm” of understaffed front lines and failing IT, leaving workers staggering under the weight of senseless decisions. The song’s rallying cry, with its repeated rejection of “ludicrous logic” and unwavering resolve, demands urgent action to reclaim the NHS, restoring it for those who rely on and serve it, before it’s too late.

Lyrics:

We’re standing up, we’re pushing back
Gonna take this shit no more
This top down crap has had its day
Gonna even up the score

More chiefs than there are Indians
Here in the NHS
Talentless and incompetent
We’re in a fucking mess

No more ludicrous logic
We have no confidence

No say in their decisions
Live with the effects we must
Lob their grenades into the front-line
Leave us staggering in the dust

No more ludicrous logic
We have no confidence

IT needing CPR
Red tape and bureaucracy too
Not enough bums on front-line seats
The perfect storm’s a-brew

Can’t wait for the system to change itself
Gotta put it back on track
For all who need and work in it
Gotta take our service back
Gotta put it back on track

No more ludicrous logic

13: The Father In Me

I wrote this song to reflect on my journey as a caregiver, sparked by the profound lessons of strength, care, and tenderness from my mentor, Kyle K, who shaped me into the father figure I became. Through vivid storytelling, I recount my Court Lodge days, working with troubled kids who resisted boundaries and tried to push me away, yet desperately needed my presence, challenging me to show them a better path despite calls to resort to harsh discipline. The song’s repetitive, resolute refrain underscores my commitment to offering something different—a compassionate, guiding hand—steering them toward a better way to go, no matter how hard they fought against it.

Lyrics:

It all began with Kyle K my man
Best teacher there could be
On strength and care and tenderness
Shaped the father within me

Fast-forward to my Court Lodge days
And the kids within our care
Boundaries to keep ‘em safe
Taught them I’d be there

Did they want me? No!
So they tried to run away
Did they need me? Yes!
But they tried to make me pay

Smack the little shits they say
Give ‘em what they know
Nah, show 'em something different
A better way to go

Show ‘em something different
A better way to go
Show ‘em something different
A better way to go

14: The Birdman's Creed

I crafted this song to celebrate the visionary spirit of the “Birdman,” a figure who soars above the ordinary with eagle eyes, seeing possibilities from Torbay to Singapore that others miss, urging us to aim high and embrace a bold future. Through vivid imagery and a rousing call to action, I depict this agitator of the status quo, whose voice cuts through the noise of discontent to inspire noble deeds and challenge us to harness AI and shape a new world, rather than cling to the past. The song’s soaring rhythm and repeated exhortations to “aim higher” and “build new” ignite a sense of urgency and hope, rallying listeners to awaken, innovate, and meet the future head-on.

Lyrics:

Spread those wings and... pierce the sky (aim high, aim high)
Surf the winds... across the shore
Nothing escapes those eagle eyes
From Torbay to Singapore (and back)

Cometh the Birdman, a man of vision
Sees what others just don’t see (they can't see, even if they try)
With tales of noble deeds to be done
How different life could be (must be)

Such souls appear when needed most
To awaken and inspire
To agitate and disturb the peace
To urge us to aim higher (and higher)

In the echo chamber of discontent
From nowhere comes the cry
A voice to cut right through the crap
So what about AI?

Don’t try to fight the future (it's coming anyway)
Make it work for you
Why waste your time on looking back (stop wasting time)
Face the future, create, build new (and high)
The future is here (now)